realhomo:

countingtoabillionslow:

Is anyone else completely terrified by the concept that you could, someday, meet someone who actually genuinely wants to spend the rest of their life in love with you?

#I don’t even want to spend the rest of my life with me

satanstrousers:

One of my friends asked me the other day if I would suck one thousand dicks for a billion dollars, and I love questions like that because not only are they so demonstrative of the no-homo society we live in, but they also show a fundamental lack of understanding that some people have for the value of money. Like, do you realize just how much money one billion dollars is? Do you realize I could live my life in the lap of luxury buying literally everything I could ever want and still have a fortune to leave to my children?? For sucking some dicks?? We are talking 1 million dollars per dick sucked!! That’s just economical like come on man.

kittenkhaleeesi:

my coworker just brought in her week old baby and he got the hiccups while I was holding him and I think I felt my uterus force my nuva ring out of my body and then screamed “GET PREGNANT NOW”

gothiccharmschool:

curvecreation:

magnacarterholygrail:

IT’S OKAY

NONE OF US KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE’RE DOING

SOME OF US ARE JUST BETTER AT PRETENDING THAN OTHERS

I needed to see this tonight

THIS. IS. TRUE.

queenwhiskey:

pardohater66:

I actually still laugh at the fact that richard nixon’s nickname was tricky dicky